To cut a very long story short, the combination of my web host applying a software update and myself applying my usual thundering fuckwittery to everything I do has meant that I have managed to lose all of the blog posts between April 2008 and June 2010.
Yes, I did have a backup.
No, the backup didn’t work.
Looks like this is the perfect opportunity for a fresh start. Stay tuned…
Aside from tending to my various potted vegetables and my annual array of sunflowers, you will find that I spend very little of my time outside in the back garden of my house; you will usually find me glued to keyboard of my PC, playing on my PS3 or re-watching old episodes of Doctor Who for the umpteenth time rather than find me in sat out in the garden. I am generally an indoor person. Read the rest of this entry »
A few months ago I asked you to suggest a name for my new plant. Expecting a torrent of potential names to be submitted from my intelligent and creative readership, I delayed the update of the website in anticipation of the overwhelming response.
Nearly two suggestions were submitted. For the sake of argument, lets call it one suggestion.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that the name of my new plant is: Wilbur! Thanks to Stu for the one and only suggestion, his Pythonesque logic proving that he had put a bit of thought into it rather than just spout out a few random names.
How about “Wilbur”
Clerk: Are all your plants called Wilbur?
Praline: There’s nothing so odd about that. Kemel Attaturk had an entire menagerie called Abdul.
Today I found myself browsing my local Apple Premium Reseller investigating my options for a new laptop (I am in the market for a Macbook Pro, for reasons that will eventually become clear) when I noticed they had the new Apple iPad on display. Eager to find out whether my well-know negative preconceptions were justified, I waited for one of the shop’s sales staff to finish polishing and re-aligning the sterile halogen-lit display unit so I could experience the next generation of computing devices.
The verdict? It is a giant iPhone. In fact it is a giant iPhone that weighs the same as a heavy hardback book (a heavy hardback book that, thanks to the curved back of the iPad, cannot be used on a flat surface), with a touch-screen so glossy that once you’ve got over the shock of seeing the stupid expressions your face makes whilst web browsing, you’ll be too scared to touch the impeccably shiny screen through fear of leaving incriminating fingerprints that could be used to trace your sordid web-browsing history.
Nope, the iPad is not for me, in fact Charlie Brooker’s launch day article sums up my feelings towards it in a manner that my slowly degrading GCSE grade C English will never be able to articulate. Despite my comparative lack of words we come to the same conclusion – you will want to own an iPad, but only when it becomes lighter and cheaper.
The latest addition to my never-expanding indoor jungle is this Diffenbachia (Diffenbachia maculata)/Dumb Cane/Mother-in-law plant. It’s called a Dumb Cane because the sap is toxic – it can cause temporary speechlessness when touched to the tongue. It is especially dangerous to cats, which is only a good thing.
Anyway, the plant needs a name. I’ve already got a Peace Lily called ‘Wilbur’ so it’s only fair that the Diffenbachia gets a suitable name too. I’ve asked a few friends and had some rather good suggestions (Geoffrey, Marigold and Stumpy are the current favourites). Can you think of a suitable name for this lovely, yet poisonous plant?
I have purchased two cups specifically for the purpose of drinking skinny lattes.
Two cups, one Latte
My latte cups have already earned me much derision; I have already been called a ponce and a poof and my sexuality has been questioned. To ensure that I am put in my place and never think of doing anything like this again, please feel free to insult me in the comments …
I have a new addition to my living room. Unusually for me it is not a new piece of technology or some cheap Argos furniture – it is a plant!
This is Wilbur
Meet Wilbur, my new Japanese Peace Lilly (Spathiphyllum). As you can see in the photo above, Wilbur lives by my telephone. He’s very eager to meet all of you so why not give him a call?
I’m assuming Wilbur is a Japanese Peace Lilly. I’d like to think he is as I’d then be in the same class of plant owner as Sgt. Nicholas Angel from Hot Fuzz, but as the word ‘Japanese’ was missing from his label and he was purchased from Homebase in Swindon, I think his Asian credentials are minimal.
I’ve read that a Peace Lilly is a good plant to have in a home as it is an excellent air purifier. If that is the case I hope I can keep Wilbur nice and healthy so that my lounge will eventually cease to smell like the inside of a packet of dry-roasted peanuts.