The verdict? It is a giant iPhone. In fact it is a giant iPhone that weighs the same as a heavy hardback book (a heavy hardback book that, thanks to the curved back of the iPad, cannot be used on a flat surface), with a touch-screen so glossy that once you’ve got over the shock of seeing the stupid expressions your face makes whilst web browsing, you’ll be too scared to touch the impeccably shiny screen through fear of leaving incriminating fingerprints that could be used to trace your sordid web-browsing history.

Nope, the iPad is not for me, in fact Charlie Brooker’s launch day article sums up my feelings towards it in a manner that my slowly degrading GCSE grade C English will never be able to articulate. Despite my comparative lack of words we come to the same conclusion – you will want to own an iPad, but only when it becomes lighter and cheaper.

They didn’t destroy the world of course, the fact you are reading this now proves it. And don’t get all existential with smart-Alec comments about how we’ve shifted dimensions either, no damage has been done as CERN have only fired two beams of protons to test the circuit of the huge underground tunnel; the first low energy particle collisions are still days away.

I must quote Professor Brian Cox of Manchester University who was reported in the Daily Telegraph article linked above as saying, “Anyone who thinks the LHC will destroy the world is a t—.”

Anybody still concerned about the LHC can visit www.hasthelhcdestroyedtheearth.com to check on the status of the Earth’s existence.

Unlike the blogs CSS, which is starting to make me spit bile at the keyboard. No, I’m wrong there, it’s the web browser to blame, not the CSS. You see, if like me you all used Firefox as your primary web browser I wouldn’t have to keep altering the odd snippet of CSS to make the blog work correctly inInternet Explorer 7 (don’t get me started on Opera or Safari, I haven’t even installed those yet). Just when I think I’ve finally nailed the layout of a page I’ll test it in IE7 only to find that it looks like it’s been spewed up by a cat.

Again, I’ll keep at it. I should have it completed by 2009.

Tired of guns, gangstas and grey skies, UK:Resistance made the following demands of video game developers:

• Change everything that’s grey into blue.
• From now on, everyone wears red shoes.
• Make everything happen at midday or sunset.
• Replace gun textures with banana textures.
• Turn all cars into pink convertibles that wobble and only do 15mph.
• If you get 100 of anything, a little tune plays.
• Instead of saying “crew” say “your buddies”.
• Instead of saying “hood” say “zone”.
• Make the female characters something other than prostitutes.
• Make the black characters something other than drug dealers.

The World of Me concurs.

The main retailers such as Dixons and HMV had completely sold out, while the dedicated gaming outlets like Game and Electonics Boutique had only ridiculous +£250 deals that included useless travel bags and cuddly toys. Toys R’ us had the best deal price-wise (£175 would get you a console, two games and an extra third-party joypad) but you couldn’t choose the games in the bundle. In the end the Virgin Megastore had the best deal and I was lucky enough to purchase their last available Gamecube for £189, which included the console and two games of your own choice (I chose Star Wars Rogue Squadron II: Rogue Leader and Luigi’s Mansion)

At the time of writing, the Gamecube has been newly-housed under the tevelvision and a few hours of gameplay has taken place. So what are the first impressions?

The first thing you notice is how small both the console and it’s ‘DVDs‘ are (the Gamecube measures 11.5cm x 15cm x 16cm=small). The controller is great, toy-like in some respects, mainly due to the bright colours on each of the buttons. The vibration you get while playing through the games is subtle and not as rasping as that on the Sony Dual Shock controller.

The console comes with a joypad and a phono video cable only, no memory card or demo discs are included. An RGB scart cable is available but not necessary as the video output through the composite phono cable is excellent.

Games-wise, Star Wars plays like a dream, with some of the later levels boasting superb graphics (and something you never saw on a Nintendo in the past – video footage) whilst Luigi has everything you expect from a Nintendo game; colourful graphics with simplistic yet enjoyable gameplay.

So, a great start to what seems to be a great console. Check back soon to find out if the Gamecube is still in favour or has ended up a failure.